he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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