He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
