dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
