Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
