just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
