I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
