You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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