You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
