I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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