guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
