how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
