I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
