Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
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You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Where are you guys?
Drunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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