Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
