I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize