I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
