i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
