Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
