Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
