my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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