real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
