Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
