2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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