I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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