So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
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The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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