His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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