i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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