It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
