Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
