quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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