she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
