my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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