they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
