Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
