I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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