All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My dick has a subreddit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
