i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
