She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
