i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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