and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wear drunk well.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
