So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
