Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think i have herpe
just one?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
