Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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