There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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