We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
