never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Holy sore nipples Batman
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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