This is not my ceiling
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so much tequila, so little girl.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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