The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
