he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
