Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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