It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
