I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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