you guys were way drunker than both of me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
