You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
