i permit you to call me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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