im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
