It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
