We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We just shotgunned beers for America
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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