I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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