you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
