you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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