I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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