You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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