i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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