I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
