i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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