I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
