I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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