Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
