i already hear my dad disowning me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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