So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
