Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
