im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
