$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
