I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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